I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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