Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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