Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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