I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
