dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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