I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
