Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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