Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
