It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
