we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
