You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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