Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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