Moan for me like Helen Keller
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
