Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Found your dick twin last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
