I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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