you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
