This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
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