The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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