He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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