i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
