I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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