I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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