$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
