Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
