It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
