I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize