i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
