I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
