do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
