I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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