My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
