do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
