once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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