Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
