omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
