you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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