she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
