so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
