Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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