I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
