He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
