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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Enjoy the penises
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize