it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
