I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize