I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
