Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
