Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
