Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
