He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
