So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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