Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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