I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize