Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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