it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
