I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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