Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
