I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
