so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
