i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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