And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
