Where did you get a picture of my penis
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
