That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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