hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
