Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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