The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
