Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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