You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
