What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
