Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
