I seem to have left my pride at pride
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
