my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
