My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
