Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
