I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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