I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
