My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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