Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
