She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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