i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
