So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
