i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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