I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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