so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
