Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
