goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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