my shit smells like andre
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
