i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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