ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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