I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
