yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
