i don't like sucking hair
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
