yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
