I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
