is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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